Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 7
by Master Porky Minch
Summary: The very first Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule Easter Special. What do you get when you add a bunch of pissed off kids to M the last fight of Mother 3?


Not so Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 7

Disclaimer: You know damn well.

Begin!

It was March the 31st, a day before the first day of April (which some younger people may now refer to it as April Fool's Day), and it was Easter Sunday. At that very moment, Porky Minch, ruler and king of all New Pork City, maybe even the entirety of Nowhere Island, was patiently waiting for the chosen 4 to arrive at New Pork City. He had sent one of his limo drivers to get them, so he hoped they wouldn't be too long. After all, he hated waiting for the things he wanted.

He wasn't doing very important things, just sitting there, enjoying ham, lamb, and a bunch of other Easter foods. It was when he was eating that he heard a noise from his "front lawn". "What the Hell?" he said as he got up, to look at his front lawn. There were at least 10 children there, picking up Easter Eggs Porky was sure he didn't put there. This has been going on for the past 2 years, and he was getting sick and tired of it. "Hey! All of you brats get off of my God damn lawn right now!" he shouted.

A little boy walked up to him, probably 5 years old. He had already lost one of his front teeth, and he had blacker than night hair. "But the Easter Bunny always puts these eggs in your lawn, Mr. Minch." he said, but Porky wasn't a very reasonable kind of a guy.

"The Easter Bunny?!" Porky exclaimed, surprised that that crap is still being told in his city. "I don't give a shit if he puts his eggs down here! I'll probably kill the Easter Bunny and burn him in my furnace, and not in that order!"

"Nobody says mean things about the Eastew Bunny." said a 3-year-old girl with brown hair.

"Oh yeah? And what are you little brats gonna do about it?" Porky questioned cockily, but began losing confidence as all of the kids began to surround him. "After all, I am the king of this city, and of course, you're only kids! Kids that are… surrounding me, and have me totally outnumbered… and are taking your eggs out of your baskets so you can start brutally hitting me with them… uh-oh."

XXX

Dr. Andonuts was just finishing the last touches on the impenetrable sphere shaped device that Porky had him work on. When he looked at the glass part, to make sure someone could see through it, he saw in what little reflection it gave Porky Minch, his clothes torn, and him bruised and scratched all over. "Don't tell me. You told those little kids that you were going to burn the Easter Bunny and then slaughter him, didn't you?"

"I didn't think they would be able to kick my ass!" Porky yelled. "Besides, little kids are stupid. They'll probably forget about it within a couple of hours."

XXX

"You're probably thinking to yourself, 'Yeah, right. There's no such thing as Absolutely Safe', but there is, and this is it! The device that I tricked Dr. Andonuts and the Mr. Saturns into making for me! Me! ALL ME! *cough, cough*" Porky said as he was preparing to get into his capsule.

"There he is! He's the one who said he would kill the Easter Bunny!" said one of the kids from back in his lawn, and sure enough, all of those kids came running after Porky.

Porky, somehow being very athletic for someone with his girth, got out of the broken Spider-Mech, and began to run from the children. "I was just kidding!" Porky shouted as they chased him. "Can't any of you brats take a joke?!" After the 10th circle, Porky just jumped into his Absolutely Safe Capsule, and locked himself in. "Haha! Now, absolute safety is mine! There's nothing you little fuckers can do now!" Porky shouted. The kids, having a different idea, began to push the capsule.

"Hahaha! Go on ahead and shove me all you want! There's no way in Hell that you're ever going to- wait. What are you doing?" Porky asked as he realized how close to the ledge of the rock he really was. He then put 2 and 2 together, and figured out what those nasty little kids were planning to do. "Oh, no you don't! You will not push my capsule another inch! Don't you dare even think about-" but it was too late. The kids put all of their might into one last shove, and sent the capsule rolling off the edge of the rock, and falling into the Earth.

If the kids were listening well enough to his words, they would have heard the following before he plummeted to his doom. "OK, I'm gonna say it. Easter…" and as he was falling, there was a possibility that you could have heard: "SSSUUUUUUCKS!"

HAPPY EASTER!

Q: What is your favorite Holiday? (Mine is Easter)


End file.
